Lost And Gained
by NejiKikyoAnimeRose
Summary: PLot bunny #615, SasuNeji. "Neji wants to take things slow with his new lover but finally agrees to sleep with him. The next morning, his lover breaks up with him. Seems sex was all he wanted." Rape, Shounen ai, slightly dark


_Neji wants to take things slow with his new lover but finally agrees to sleep with him. The next morning, his lover breaks up with him. Seems sex was all he wanted._

"Come on baby, it's about time we took our relationship forward, don't ya think?" the smooth baritone voice was soft and seductive and Neji found that his excellent will was slowly weakening at the sound of that horribly hypnotizing voice. He furrowed his brow and shook his head slightly.

"No, I want to take things slower than this," he said seriously, but slightly unsurely. "You know that, Hidoi. I'm only fifteen. I'm not legally of age yet. And besides that, I'm just not comfo--" He was cut off by his boyfriend's enticing lips and he felt himself backed slowly, gradually, to the bed in his apartment. The taller man pushed his lithe frame backwards and the Hyuuga fell with a soft _plap_ onto the silky sheets, bouncing a little as the bedsprings adjusted themselves to the weight of the two men.

Hidoi pulled away and looked at Neji with a lustful gleam in his eyes. He looked meaningfully at Neji, ignoring his own arousal for the sake of speaking seriously to the Hyuuga.

"Neji," he said softly. "If you really, honestly want me to stop, I will. But, I've wanted you for so long, and I thought you'd...know that this can only make our relationship stronger. I promise, Nej." Neji blushed at the nickname and turned away from his boyfriend, thinking it over. He was curious, he was not going to deny that. But, at the same time, he really didn't want to move too fast. He was truly conflicted.

But, in the end, his devotion to Hidoi won out and he decided that it was worse to keep his sometimes temperamental boyfriend waiting than to remain a virgin, even though his chastity was one of the things he valued most in his young life.

"Alright, Hido," the Hyuuga said, using his own pet name for his boyfriend. "T-take me." Hidoi smiled and nodded. He leaned in close and gently kissed the Hyuuga's sweet lips, after a moment, pulling away and whispering words that, to Neji, sounded so beautifully heartfelt;

"Don't worry, babe, I'll take it slow."

And, thus he began.

And Neji's first time, his first experience, was so blindingly perfect, that he, for a moment, had truly believed he had gone insane.

And when it was over, he was so happy to fall asleep in the arms of the one who was now his lover.

But, it did not last through the morning. For when Neji awoke from his sleep, Hidoi was scurrying about the room, collecting his clothes and trying to quietly get his things together. When Neji made a noise of confusion, he audibly cursed under his breath.

Turning to face the confused boy, Hidoi sighed.

"Look, Nej, I know that you expected more from me," he said. "But I'm just not in the position to have a serious relationship right now." Translation: _I'm dumping you._ Neji blinked and looked at him.

"So, you're leaving me?" he asked, trying to keep the trembling from his voice. He thought he had something special with Hidoi! The man with the curly green locks had simply and easily swept him off his feet and made Neji love him! Was it all just a stupid joyride? Neji had just been another of Hodoi's whores, Hidoi had made it very clear that there had been plenty of others before the Hyuuga. And Neji actually had the nerve to believe that he would be _different!_ That he might be the one to secure Hidoi's love! How wrong that notion was...

"Well, yeah," Hidoi said, unable to feign any sort of regret and just sounding impatient. "But hey, you were great in bed, even though it was your first time. You'll get someone soon enough." He walked over to Neji and reached out, squeezing what was between his legs once more and smirking at Neji's shocked gasp and red face, unaware that it was anger that fueled this blush and not desire, or a shy reaction to intimacy.

Turning away from the Hyuuga, Hidoi walked to the door and started to open it. Neji, trembling with rage and hurt, spoke angrily from his spot by the bed that he right now, hated.

"So, you take my virginity and then you drop me and move on to another unsuspecting minor?" he shot icily. Hidoi winced.

"No, babe, that's not--" he started. Neji narrowed his eyes.

"Don't you dare call me that," he hissed angrily, tears stinging at his eyes. "You've lost all right to call me by that name or any other name that implies intimacy!" And Hidoi's temper was brought out. He turned and lunged at Neji, angrily pinning the other to the bed.

"Oh, don't talk like that, _Nej_ you know you loved it!" he sneered furiously, angrily groping Neji, relentlessly squeezing and tugging the now hard bit of flesh between the Hyuuga's legs, uncaring to the yelps that emanated from the brunette's mouth. "Remember everything that happened last night? How much you were _begging_ for more!? How pathetically you were _whimpering_ for me to _fuck you harder!?_ That was all _you,_ Neji and you know it, dammit!" Neji was now all but whimpering, trying desperately to keep his body under control, but was unable to suppress the cry that was desperately trying to burst from his throat, when Hidoi's head disappeared between his milky thighs, still naked from the previous night. He felt his hardened erection throb as Hidoi sucked mercilessly and he came a few moments later, the green haired man turning and spitting every bit of Neji's essence contemptuously to the floor.

Neji winced as Hidoi ripped his own pants from his muscled legs, positioned himself in front of Neji and pushed in without a thought of going slow. Neji screamed as Hidoi started pounding into him, harder and harder, faster and faster.

The blood that had come from the man pushing so roughly into Neji started to flow a little more freely now. Neji's body was unwillingly submitting to the pleasure, but he himself felt only pain.

Hidoi's hands; the hands that Neji had believed the previous night to be gentle and caressing; painfully grabbed both of his hardened nipples and pinched. Hard. Neji cried out, but was silenced by Hidoi's mouth closing down roughly over his, claiming the Hyuuga in an angrily lustful kiss. The tongue of the offending man was shoved down Neji's throat, choking him momentarily, before it was pulled unabashedly back out in the same time and rhythm as the thrusts that hurt so much more.

The brunette's hips were grasped again as Hidoi increased his impossible pace and Neji's manhood was grasped tightly and pumped, just as mercilessly. Neji winced and bit his tongue to attempt to keep silent, drawing yet more blood.

Soon, however, it all became too much and Neji felt himself reaching the end.

"AAAAAAH..! GODS, P-PLEASE, S-STOP!!" he cried breathlessly as he came yet again. His body was now exhausted and Hidoi smirked, pulling painfully out of Neji.

It was like a stopper had been pulled from a wine bottle, and the blood came faster, mixing with the sticky fluid that covered Neji's lower body. He lay on the bed, panting, trying to get the air to flow through his closed throat. He couldn't move anything and the only thing he was capable of doing was lying there, shaking.

But Hidoi wasn't finished yet.

Grabbing Neji ruthlessly, he flipped the boy over onto his stomach. Neji's face slammed into the bedsheets, muffling his yelp of pain.

He brought his hands up beside his head and gripped the sheets as he prepared for Hidoi's reckless entry into his body.

When it came he tried not to scream, but he failed to suppress it. His entrance was ripped further by the almost primitive actions Hidoi was making.

Before the man moved, however, he leaned in close to Neji and whispered angrily into his ear;

"Best fuck I've had so far, Hyuuga." Neji grimaced and buried his face further into the sheets, unaware that he was crying. Soon, Hidoi started moving inside him, going even deeper than he had before.

"This." Thrust. "Is what happens." Thrust. Blood. "When you don't." Grab. Squeeze. "Let." Grip. Gasp. Cry. Thrust. "Go!" Pound. Push. Buck. Squeeze. Scream. Splatter. Pull. More blood. ...Silence.

Grabbing his fallen pants, Hidoi, panting and shaking his head, quickly and irritably covered his lower body with the slightly sticky fabric. Growling an angry insult to the Hyuuga, Hidoi turned on his heel and stormed out of the apartment, leaving the door open and Neji lying defeated and deflowered on the bed.

Pushing himself unsteadily onto his knees, Neji took a shaky breath and tried to reposition himself more comfortably on the bed. But his legs buckled beneath him and a searing pain shot throughout his body. He cried out softly and fell from the bed to the floor, taking the loose bedsheets with him.

Crying unrestrainedly now, Neji curled up into a weak ball underneath the blankets that were trying so hard to comfort him with their soft warmth, and resumed his quivering state of pathetic misery.

Sasuke was in a state of panic. Not moments ago, he had heard a horrible cry from his apartment building and his first thought was that someone was being murdered. As he rushed into the building the cry was heard again and his eyes widened. It was coming from Neji's floor, the fifth floor.

Neji and Sasuke had lived in the same apartment building for a while now. When Sasuke returned to the village and expressed a desire to become a shinobi of the Leaf once more, Neji had helped him pay for an available apartment in the same building as his own. And for that, Sasuke had been grateful. Very grateful.

And since then, he and the Hyuuga had grown considerably closer over the months, now years, for Sasuke had been returned to Konoha for two years.

And it was because of the brunette Hyuuga that Itachi had returned and been granted residence and his former command of the ANBU once more. But that was another story for another time.

Because now, Sasuke had reason to believe Neji was in danger, and he wouldn't allow that, just as he wouldn't allow any of his other friends to be hurt when he had anything to say about it.

Increasing his pace, Sasuke rounded the corner and almost ran into a green haired man in a very bad mood, who smelled of a peculiar smell. Hidoi. Neji's boyfriend. Sasuke looked at him in a slightly confused way and reached out, grabbing the man's shoulder, only becoming more suspicious when the man tried to pull angrily away.

"Hidoi, what the _hell's _going on?" the Uchiha demanded impatiently. "What happened to Neji?" Hidoi scoffed at the mention of the Hyuuga and shook his head.

"How the hell should I know what's going on in the fucked up mind of that piece of shit?" he shot, rage in every corner of his voice. Sasuke's eyes narrowed. Wrong thing to say, Hidoi! I wonder, do you enjoy having your every limb ripped from your body and then strewn carelessly to rot deep within the Earth? Do you enjoy being cursed and condemned and despised by all those who speak your name? I say, do you get a thrill from being maimed and tortured as retribution for what you have done to another?

Perhaps, then, you should've thought before speaking such wretched words about a man for whom the one before you harbors such sacred and beautiful emotions.

Sasuke was at Hidoi's throat in an instant. Growling like a feral beast, the Uchiha painfully gripped Hidoi's neck, his fingers poised and ready to snap the neck that was a weak point of all humans.

"Are you sure Neji's the piece of shit, you bastard?" he hissed through gritted teeth, Sharingan activated and ready to assist the Uchiha in the killing of this..._thing._ Hidoi's eyes narrowed and his anger drove out any logic that might've resided in his mind at any point in his life. For surely, had he any logic still in his mind, he would've thrown dignity and pride to the winds and begged for his life! However, instead of doing what would've been the most favorable thing for one in his position, Hidoi acted foolishly and continued his verbal attack on Neji.

"Why, you think it's me?" he growled, his voice rising as best it could when his throat was constricted by Sasuke's calloused hands. "You think he's worth something? Then, by all means, go comfort the pathetic bitch! Go admit your _passionate love _for him and give him a good sympathy fuck! Gods know, he's no good for anything else!"

He had gone too far. He had finally crossed that vital line that had been drawn for his own protection and had ventured into unknown territory with absolutely no ammunition. And now he was paying for it.

Sasuke's eyes widened for one moment before he closed his fingers down around Hidoi's throat. It was over in a second. Hidoi's own eyes widened. He spluttered for a moment and then was silenced, his face going ghastly white as he was released by the furious Uchiha. His lifeless form sagged to the floor and Sasuke looked contemptuously at the pathetic corpse staining the floor of his apartment building.

It hadn't been worth it to make him suffer. He wasn't worth anything. In all his life, Sasuke had never hated; _loathed_ anyone as fervently as he hated this dead thing now. Never before had only words given birth to this burning raging fire that threatened to consume him as they did now. Not since Itachi, anyway.

But then again, he had never before felt for anyone else what he felt now for Neji. Never before, had the mere mention of a person lifted his spirits as much as the mention of the Hyuuga did. He had come to terms with these feelings and accepted them long before. And naturally, he was protective of his friend, just as he was protective of Naruto and Itachi and Sakura, and everyone else. And it hurt him to hear someone whom the Hyuuga considered special speak so cruelly of the brunette boy.

And as Sasuke looked over the body of the dead Hidoi, he felt no regret. He didn't care if Neji hated him, he did not care if Neji reproached him. He only cared that Neji would be safe and well enough to do so.

And as he glowered and glared at the corpse, it erupted into flame. A flame that never spread, never burned anything but the body. The Uchiha watched it calmly, the angry shadows flickering and dancing across his face as the body burned. And slowly, the flame died down gradually, until it disappeared, its job done, leaving behind nothing but a pile of unwanted black ashes. Sasuke only stared coldly at it.

"Damn you," he spoke softly. "Damn you a thousand times over, you bastard. May you never find peace in any afterlife you may find your way to." With that, Sasuke turned and continued on to the Hyuuga's apartment, now sure that something had happened to him.

Neji didn't hear the person enter his apartment. Neji didn't hear the person's sharp intake of breath. Neji didn't hear as the person rushed over to his fallen form. To be perfectly frank, he didn't notice anything until he was taken into strong warm arms and held close to a body that he knew felt so familiar, but that he couldn't label in the face of his pain.

A voice, once hardened in anger, now laden with concern and worry, spoke softly to Neji.

"Neji," it said, and Neji was sure he had never heard anything that brought him more relief. "Neji, what the hell happened to you?" There was an urgency in the voice. An alarmed urgency that signified a need to know; a need to understand what had happened that reduced Neji to this. And, hidden deep within the voice, a regretful tone, that spoke of self-hate for not having been there to prevent what happened.

And it was that tone, that meaning, hidden within all the others, that made Neji feel safe, light, warm. And in that brief moment, there was no pain, only a feeling of secure warmth that Neji had thought he had with Hidoi.

And that moved him to tears once more.

Sasuke only held tighter as Neji let his tears fall. He only held tighter as Neji struggled through his pain to get closer to Sasuke, his only source of comfort. He only held tighter when he felt Neji's shaking hands clasp at his shirt in an effort to keep him there.

"Neji, what did he do to you?" Sasuke whispered. Neji sniffed against him and drew away, wincing as his weight shifted. When he spoke, his voice wavered, but did not falter. Oh, yes, Neji was as true a shinobi as ever there was or ever there could be.

"Sasuke, I," he started weakly, pausing to hide a wince that the Uchiha didn't fail to notice. "He raped me." And the Hyuuga looked down, as though ashamed of allowing himself to be violated so easily. "After I willingly gave myself to him." His eyes, still red and slightly moist, now were no longer holding in any tears as Neji recounted the disgusting events that had transpired not half an hour ago.

"He took. My virginity. And then he left." Neji spoke softly, more to himself than to Sasuke, but there was no hint of anything in his voice that indicated he was scared or frightened or had been while he had been raped. The only thing that hinted anything of the sort being the slight wavering and quivering of his voice.

"Or, he tried to," the Hyuuga continued. "I should've. Let him go. I provoked it. My fault. It was my fault." He paused again to shudder and Sasuke knew he would not be able to get to Neji for a while. So he simply took the Hyuuga into his arms and walked slowly to the bed, moving to sit down, but stopping wen Neji erupted into a fit of shivers, struggling and fighting to get free from Sasuke's grip. The Uchiha, startled and shocked by this sudden change of behavior, almost dropped Neji.

"No!" Neji cried. "No! Don't do it again! I don't want to do it again!" And Sasuke, realizing the reason for Neji's sudden fit, moved quickly away from the bed that Neji had rightly deemed evil, and went instead to the couch, sitting down slowly and carefully, positioning the Hyuuga between his legs, one of which was bent on the couch, the other of which was bent over the edge. Neji burrowed into him, seeking comfort and that was when Sasuke saw it.

"Neji," he said in a shocked voice. "Is that...blood?" And Neji tensed momentarily before nodding against Sasuke slowly, wincing and yelping as he was turned on the couch so the damage could be examined. Sasuke gulped as he saw the quantity of blood staining the Hyuuga's legs as well as the blanket he had been enveloped in. Slowly, carefully, he reached out to Neji, cupping his chin and gently turning the Hyuuga's head to face his own.

"Neji, please tell me what happened," the Uchiha pleaded, looking imploringly into the Hyuuga's shattered lavender eyes. Neji looked back into Sasuke's endless obsidian ones and knew that Sasuke would find out no matter what he did now. So he nodded. And he told.

He told of everything that happened. Of Hidoi's persuading words, of his very first time, of Hidoi's unexpected departure, of his anger, and of what it had earned him. And Sasuke listened, rarely going beyond a nod of the head or a narrowing of the eyes.

And when Neji had finished his tale, his eyes were glazed over with the hard shell that Sasuke had only ever seen once before and that was at the Chuunin Exams.

Sasuke let out a small breath and gently took Neji's chin between his thumb and forefinger, once again, forcing those pearlescent eyes to look into his.

As Neji looked into those onyx eyes, he once more felt that he was surrounded on all sides, but not constricted. No, not bound by or to anything. Only surrounded. But in this space, he could stretch his wings as far as he wished and no one reprimanded him. No one punished him for standing out.

And there was another with him. Another creature, of raven black and fiery crimson who stood protectively beside him, watching as he flew, ready to catch him if he fell.

Who had just caught him and was now nursing his injured wings.

Sasuke.

Neji's eyes were wide and unblinking, staring into Sasuke's. His mouth was parted and his hands were clasped by his legs as he somehow managed to move towards the Uchiha, who also seemed to be growing larger and larger, coming closer and closer.

And then it happened. Their lips met. Though only for a fraction of a second, for Sasuke pulled away almost immediately, shutting his eyes and turning away from the Hyuuga. Neji looked at him in an understanding way and allowed the corner of his mouth to turn upward in the slightest ghost of a smile.

"Sasuke..." he breathed.

"It's not you," Sasuke said softly, almost inaudibly. Neji looked at him, brows knitted together.

"What?" he asked, confused. Sasuke shook his head, as though trying to shake some impure thought from his mind.

"It can't be you," the Uchiha whispered. "You love him. You can't want me..." Neji blinked and jerked slightly, taken aback. He quickly shook his head and scurried off of the couch, the blankets still wrapped tightly around his middle, and knelt down in front of Sasuke, ignoring the pain. He placed his hands on Sasuke's knees and squeezed lightly.

"Don't say that when you know it isn't true," the Hyuuga said seriously. "Please, Sasuke. Understand..." He managed to catch Sasuke's gaze and leaned in once more, caught in the trance of the ever endless black eyes...

"Make me forget..." the Hyuuga whispered against Sasuke's lips. The Uchiha pulled away slightly.

"What?" he questioned uncertainly. Neji continued to lean in as Sasuke continued to lean back, still unwilling to believe that the Hyuuga was demonstrating his true feelings.

"Make me forget," Neji repeated, softer this time. "Please. Take me. Fuck me. Have me. Just make me forget what _he_ felt like inside of me! Please Sasuke!" His words became desperate now and Sasuke, for a moment, considered complying just so he wouldn't have to hear _that voice._ That horribly grievous and resentful voice that sounded as though its speaker had been broken time and time again, one right after another. Which, essentially was what happened to Neji.

Sasuke blinked, clearing his head of these thoughts and shook his head, pushing Neji away from him a little more forcefully than he had intended.

Neji, I can't do that," he said firmly. "Not while you're like this." Neji looked at him and clenched his eyes shut, trembling. He nodded once, as though understanding and seemed to shrink before Sasuke.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "But, it still hurts...so much..! I—I _hate it!_" The distressed Hyuuga brought his hands over his chest and grabbed at both arms, gripping them tightly, trying to find something, _anything_ that would make him cease to remember that awful touch of Hidoi's that had penetrated his figurative defenses in the worst of ways.

Sasuke reached out and pulled the quivering frame of Hyuuga Neji into his own, much more stable frame, and held tightly, his previous anger towards Hidoi beginning to resurface. For a moment he just sat there, as Neji whimpered and shook, whispering softly and reassuringly to him, rocking back and forth slightly as though trying to comfort a small child, woken by a nightmare.

"Then at least, will you...stay with me?" Neji asked hesitantly, his voice muffled against Sasuke's chest. The Uchiha smiled softly.

"Yes, I'll stay with you Neji," he replied. Neji made a noise of gratitude and snuggled yet further into Sasuke's comforting form.

Tenderly, gently, Sasuke adjusted his hold on Neji and lifted himself and the Hyuuga off the couch. He slowly started to walk towards the bed, but stopped abruptly when Neji tensed and inquired quietly, "Do you trust me, Neji?" And Neji lifted his head and looked deep into those beautiful eyes and was flying again. And the creature was with him again. And he felt safe again.

He smiled softly.

"Yes, Sasuke, I trust you," he replied, his voice breathy and light, though not nearly as much so as his heart and head, both of which felt impossibly weightless.

Sasuke smiled back at Neji and, without thinking, placed a light, chaste kiss on Neji's forehead, particularly his seal, uncovered since the previous night. Walking up to the bed, he carefully placed Neji down onto the sheets and followed quickly himself, wrapping his arms around Neji and pulling the other into him once he was situated.

"So much," Neji whispered, still lost in Sasuke's strong, light touch.

And Sasuke smiled as he heard Neji's breathing even out, as he felt Neji's tense muscles relax and unwind in his arms.

Oh there was no doubt that Neji would be sore when he woke up, and on top of that he would probably be a bit moody. But Sasuke would worry about that when the time came. For now, he was simply going to have to content himself with the warm feeling of his small friend asleep in his arms, for once completely at ease with the world.

And soon, Sasuke followed Neji into an easy state of sleep, arms still wound tightly around the other.

Oh, what a sight they were! Such an open and unabashed display of affection, only the cold hearted would be completely unmoved by such loving actions.

Sleep, Sasuke, sleep. Your beloved will realize his own love upon the breaking of a new dawn!

Sleep, Neji, sleep. You have absolutely no reason to fear whilst in the arms of your ardent favorite!

And so they slept.

* * *

**Alright, fluff on the brain, plot bunny #615 just captured my attention. **

**Wrote this at 11o'clock at night and edited it at frickin 3 in the morning. -.-**

**Review please, need to know how my first lemon was, even though it was very dark, evil and basically a rape scene. **

**Wow, I lost my lemon-writing-virginity writing a rape scene...Whoda thunk??**


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